"Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong, a perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased with His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God...
With Christ my Savior and my God!"
~ words by Charitie Bancroft, 1863
My grandma went before us all through the gates of heaven this evening. Fern was a woman of faith, conviction, humor, and great self-sacrificing love. She conquered so much evil and pain throughout her life to become a beautiful, peaceful elderly woman. I have many, many dear memories of her from earliest childhood all the way through watching her be a great grandmother to my girls. To the day of her death, she had me on her prayer list, and always whispered to me, "I love you but Jesus loves you more!"
Like many saints before her, her death was peaceful and beautiful. I felt Jesus' presence tonight like I have not felt it for years. Huddled close to her bed, singing hymns and psalms of old days, her entire family was under His wings tonight as they ushered Grandma Fern to that 'golden strand'.
Another dear friend to greet when I get there!
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
I Corinthians 2:16-18
Wrestling with God
Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle mentioned something during a sermon once that inspired me. He said he keeps a Bible for 5 years, journaling as he reads, and then writes a letter in the front of the Bible and gives it to one of his children. That way his thoughts are paired with the powerful words of God as his children study the Bible in later years. I started a Bible for Katrina when she was born, and I am just finishing up my 5 year stint of reading, studying and journaling in it. I realized this spring that I have been avoiding certain books of the Bible, namely the early Old Testament!, and started trying to catch up. I just completed Genesis, and these are some thoughts I had while reading the story of Jacob's wrestling match with God (Genesis 32).
"Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob", he answered. Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome." Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." The sun rose above him, and he was limping because of his hip." ~ Genesis 32: 24-31
This is so interesting in light of my present situation. The current brand of "nice Christianity", that smiling, sweet-voiced, forgiving and always tender Christianity so common in pop culture, does not capture the fullness of a lifelong relationship with God. This passage begs the question, is it o.k. to struggle with God - REALLY struggle - a knock-down drag-'em-out physical fight?? Am I willing to truly go to the altar with big questions, tough questions? Am I willing to ask God, again, after asking many times before, why he allows faithful people, still useful for the advancement of the Gospel, to suffer and die?
It is o.k. to struggle with God! He doesn't ask that we accept difficult times without asking questions. What He asks is that we recognize Him and give Him glory at the end of the struggle! He wants us to beg for blessing, continue in the struggle until we have come through it. And yes, we might limp at the end. I might not walk through this fire unscathed. It is not enough to simply "name it and claim it" - He wants me to fight for it.
Who would have thought I would find an answer to this question in Genesis??
"Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob", he answered. Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome." Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." The sun rose above him, and he was limping because of his hip." ~ Genesis 32: 24-31
This is so interesting in light of my present situation. The current brand of "nice Christianity", that smiling, sweet-voiced, forgiving and always tender Christianity so common in pop culture, does not capture the fullness of a lifelong relationship with God. This passage begs the question, is it o.k. to struggle with God - REALLY struggle - a knock-down drag-'em-out physical fight?? Am I willing to truly go to the altar with big questions, tough questions? Am I willing to ask God, again, after asking many times before, why he allows faithful people, still useful for the advancement of the Gospel, to suffer and die?
It is o.k. to struggle with God! He doesn't ask that we accept difficult times without asking questions. What He asks is that we recognize Him and give Him glory at the end of the struggle! He wants us to beg for blessing, continue in the struggle until we have come through it. And yes, we might limp at the end. I might not walk through this fire unscathed. It is not enough to simply "name it and claim it" - He wants me to fight for it.
Who would have thought I would find an answer to this question in Genesis??
My new fashion statement
OK - I need some scarves for my neck!! If you know where I can get some, let me know. I've never bought one in my life. Apparently I will have up to 70 staples and 2 drains in my neck when I am discharged from the hospital. New prayer request of the evening: NO DRAINS FOR THE WEDDING!
My tumor
I was diagnosed with a follicular thyroid tumor over the past few weeks. These tumors are sometimes benign, but it is impossible to tell without removing the tumor and thyroid (all or part). I was referred to Mayo Clinic in Rochester for treatment of this condition. Here is my latest update regarding the upcoming surgery:
I have a new surgery date. Dr. Grant was appalled at the length of time I would have to wait to see him. He is the specialist in papillary tumors - the more common type - which means he has a LOT more patients seeking his expertise! He referred me to another surgeon, Melanie Richards, who specializes in follicular tumors. My pre-surgical consult will be June 17 and my surgery is now scheduled for the a.m. of June 18. I will be hospitalized at Methodist Hospital in Rochester until the p.m. of the 19th at the earliest. They expect to discharge me on the 20th.
So - a new prayer request to add to the mushrooming list! Please pray that there will be no complications that would keep me hospitalized longer. Scott & Jamie's wedding is June 21 and Aaron, Katy, Rosy & I are all in the wedding. It is my sincerest desire to be able to be present and functional for the wedding. I would also really appreciate prayers for minimal pain during recovery so that I can participate fully in my brother's wedding.
I was encouraged by my kids' Gospel songs this morning - we have a morning clean-up and dance session to music around 8:30 a.m. every day.
"If you get there before I do
(Comin' for to carry me home)
Tell all my friends I'm a-comin', too
(Comin' for to carry me home)"
~Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
I have a new surgery date. Dr. Grant was appalled at the length of time I would have to wait to see him. He is the specialist in papillary tumors - the more common type - which means he has a LOT more patients seeking his expertise! He referred me to another surgeon, Melanie Richards, who specializes in follicular tumors. My pre-surgical consult will be June 17 and my surgery is now scheduled for the a.m. of June 18. I will be hospitalized at Methodist Hospital in Rochester until the p.m. of the 19th at the earliest. They expect to discharge me on the 20th.
So - a new prayer request to add to the mushrooming list! Please pray that there will be no complications that would keep me hospitalized longer. Scott & Jamie's wedding is June 21 and Aaron, Katy, Rosy & I are all in the wedding. It is my sincerest desire to be able to be present and functional for the wedding. I would also really appreciate prayers for minimal pain during recovery so that I can participate fully in my brother's wedding.
I was encouraged by my kids' Gospel songs this morning - we have a morning clean-up and dance session to music around 8:30 a.m. every day.
"If you get there before I do
(Comin' for to carry me home)
Tell all my friends I'm a-comin', too
(Comin' for to carry me home)"
~Swing Low, Sweet Chariot