Sometime in the last weeks the winter air has lost it's arctic bite, and I turned 35, and our whole family life turned upside down and it is only in the last few days that it seems to be righting itself again. Caleb and Rosy have birthdays, and there are sleepovers, presents, ice cream on carpets, art messes and confetti detritus.
We are up early every morning, packing bento boxes and supervising baths and outfits and homework. At first it was pure adventure, then some growing pains, now it seems like regular life. Caleb still whines about putting pants on so early in the morning; Katy's stress over homework gives her stomachaches…even though she is performing well above grade level. Ahh, my perfectionism repeating itself!
Into the vacuum faith left, I fight against the tug. I find ways to build this new life, this awake life, this purposeful life. I take down old mantras and verses and I begin to craft sentences that fill the void left. After all, if this is all there is, I have no reason to die and every reason in the world to live!