Soul notes

Behold, I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of peace. (II Timothy 1:7)

When I am an old woman

and you come

my skin will be as wrinkled as cottonwood bark

each groove a story, a scar

battlewounds of the war

and you will see my pain

like a roadmap across my body

and you and I will both wonder

how one could walk 

through fire

and only get this burned

......................................

When I am an old woman

and you come

my eyes will be transparent

windows to the soul

and in the brown will be peace

forgiveness love

each wrinkle written on my skin

transmuted into blessing

and you and I will both wonder

how one could walk

through fire

and never lose hope

We will be the salt-and-pepper shakers

It grows in black and white, this wild hair I'm graced with. It's a surprise. I still picture myself somewhere between nutmeg and dark brown, not this "old lady" spike. My friends say they can't see it, the white flecks, but my family, they see it and say it - "your hair looks old, Mama". Little do they know that old is cool. Every birthday a special celebration since cancer hit in 2008. In the waiting hours as I look forward to news about my cancer scan and tumor markers on February 1st, I look in the mirror and I exalt. I've made it to old lady hair.

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases; it will never/Pass into nothingness; but still will keep A bower quiet for us, and a sleep/Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing." (John Keats)

My father in law runs his fingers through his wife's thick mane, a crown of beauty for her, a Grandma, a beautiful one. How I pray I see my children's children, that this present suffering is soon a thing of the past, a distant nightmare weathered. For grandchildren are the crowning glory of old age (Proverbs 17:6a) and oh, how I long to be crowned with them! Wisdom refined like gold, dross skimmed off, love proffered with open arms and cuddles in the morning, standing firm and shaking up the world. I want to be the salt-and-pepper shaker.