Out of the ordinary

Weekends are often outside the ordinary.

This weekend more than most.

Drive-in movies on Friday, munching popcorn coated in real butter.

Even though it was 40 degrees and raining.

(In adventures such as these, we teach our children to revel

in unexpected joy found in inopportune moments of wonder.)

Saturday: a sun-soaked day at Grandma's. The men are gone

fishing in the semi-arctic at Cass Lake. The children and women

stay behind, and paint rainbows in the late afternoon sun.

We make messes that normally wouldn't be allowed - and laugh about them.


(In celebrating moments of beauty swimming in chaos

and mess, we teach our children a different path to the

worship He commands. We teach them to see His

fingerprints in a cursed and clanging world.)

A weekend full of adventure.
A weekend full of tenderness.

I see Him shining, now, after years of practice, in both dim light and full sun. Being outside the ordinary can bring some mixed emotions, some ingratitude, some chaotic churnings of the soul; but also so much joy. These out of the ordinary days are the ones that stick like glue to our memory.

Echo in a dark valley

There is no end to this story

No final tragedy or glory

Love came here and never left

Now that my heart is open

It can't be closed or broken

Love came here and never left

Now I'll have to live with loving you forever

There's nothing here to throw away

I came to you in the light of day

and Love came here and never left

Christ-ones see echoes of Christ in the ashes everywhere. This song by the dark, beautiful, belated Lhasa de Sela would be my song to my Savior. She speaks elsewhere of le Diable j'ai choisi le plus (the Devil I have chosen, "La Confession") and Je n'ai pas peur de dire que tu me fais peur avec ton espoir et ton grand sens de l'honneur ("I am not afraid to tell you that you scare me with your Hope and your huge sense of honor").

Road trips to and from Rochester provided lots of time to listen to music - and lots of time to ponder what to listen to when children listen along. I grew up on a steady diet of jazz, classical, and sacred hymns, and infused that mix myself with everything secular I could get my hands on by middle school. Believe it or not, Christian music was worse in the 1990's than it is now. There are few musicians - even today - who play contemplative, jazz-infused music, with the possible (and notable) exception of J.J. Heller, who is overplayed because of her unique offering. Her music is similar to the strangely laissez faire but sunshine-infused Indie soundtrack of Juno. A young pastor reflects on the plethora of poor quality Christian music releases and ultimately quotes Madeleine L'Engle:

If it's bad art, it's bad religion, no matter how pious the subject.

Ultimately, God assures us that, if Christians are silent and void of praise, even the rocks will cry out! Is it too difficult to draw connections, then, between the lyrics of secular artists and the great Truth of the universe? So, what makes the mix at our home? There is a lot of the blues, a lot of jazz, some country, even some metal and rap. Who knew that Bible verses are paraphrased by Linkin Park ("I will never be anything 'til I break away from me"), Pearl Jam works faith out on their knees, and former-rebel Sinead O'Connor is now putting Psalms to melody?

Where do you hear the echoes of God's Word? What blasphemy do you deny access to your home, the ears of your children? Do you have a favorite radio station or music mix? Those who listen to secular music may appreciate the Glimpses of God column from Christianity Today as a place to start discovering hidden sheaves of wheat among the tares of the music scene.

Ugly/beautiful

Courgette ratatouille brings a beautiful dash of autumn color to a stained stovetop.

Vegetables prepped in the washer =
bad idea if you have a high efficiency tumbler!
Skins and tomato shreds on clothes for days afterward =
ugly.
Fascination of children garnered by a novel use of an ordinary appliance =
beautiful.

An ugly counter strewn with seeds and sticky juice is made beautiful by the glisten of red in a favorite yellow enamel pot.

"This is why cultivating once again one’s own sense of aesthetics, and raising future generations to appreciate beauty, should be seen as a profound obligation by God’s people. And there is no more appropriate time of the year to remind ourselves of this than when we
commemorate the horrific ugliness of Christ’s Passion followed by the splendor of His Resurrection."
~ Dr. Uwe Siemon-Netto

Magical moment

Rarity brings pleasure; what is fleeting may be intensely enjoyed. The short life - one sun-drenched August - of these teepees made of beans in Grandma's garden has not lessened their magic.

So, remove grief and anger from your heart
and put away pain from your body,
because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting.
Ecclesiastes 11:10

Why suffer?

Who is like the LORD our God, the One who sits enthroned on high,
who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people.
He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.
Praise the Lord.
~ Psalm 113:5-9

Pleasure without pain is meaningless. Life before cancer was a life that was still developing. Cancer brought everything abruptly into focus for both me and my husband. We are on a newly intensified mission together. We are grabbing life with both arms and squeezing tight. We are laughing instead of bustling about, oblivious. We are sitting together in a messy house instead of obsessing about neatness and order. We are watching sunsets from our porch (which is unfinished) and taking bike rides when we should be doing the supper dishes, and inviting people over when we could be planting a lawn or any other of a myriad of unfinished tasks. Children helped us in that process, too, as did marriage. Without ever being single, would we appreciate the warmth of the midnight cuddles? Without being told we were infertile, would the children be celebrated the same? I am grateful for the "negatives" in my life that so sharply delineate the "positives" - times of suffering that heighten my sensation and enjoyment of times of reveling.

White without black isn't as remarkable. Imagine a black and white print with no shades of gray, no darkness. You would be holding a simple sheet of white paper. There is no special beauty in that, is there?

Imagine "love" without passion or glints of anger and the resolution and reunion that follow. Is that even love - or just coexistence, or convenience...

Imagine feeling full all the time, and never having the satisfaction of filling that gnawing hunger in your belly...

Imagine a world without sunrises or sunsets, where the sun never goes down. Never knowing the deep solitude and peace of a dark winter night, when the moon and stars are hid by a heavy bank of clouds and the world is black...

Imagine never seeing the majesty of a thunderhead growing in the west, or feeling the pelt of a rainstorm on your back, raindrops flying so fast they sting your scalp through your hair...

Good without bad. Peace without fighting. Life without suffering. Feasting without famine. Labor without pain. What in that world would make you want? What would strike the chord of longing that lies buried in your stubborn heart? Do you want to live a life without desire, without wanting?

My choice is for desire. I choose passion over pacifism. The darkest parts of my heart (the pride, materialism, temper, and laziness I hide deep inside) show me I need God...a God that is merciful and loving, but also a God that is just and passionate, a God that will not be deterred. A God that demands worship. I have truly loved...and it is a jealous love. Am I willing to share my husband with another? Absolutely not! God feels the same about you. You cannot serve two masters: if you think you know who God is, and still refuse Him your worship, you are sorely mistaken. Yet while you live, there is hope: God is merciful, just as my true love for my husband is - only beg forgiveness, and it is yours. If these two qualities - jealousy and mercy - can coexist in me, in my marriage, a simple human marriage...how much more they must dwell together in the character of the awesome God I serve!

For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.
After you have had children and grandchildren and have lived in the land a long time—if you then become corrupt and make any kind of idol, doing evil in the eyes of the LORD your God and provoking him to anger, I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you this day that you will quickly perish from the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess. You will not live there long but will certainly be destroyed. But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him. For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath. (Deuteronomy 4:24-31 exc.)