I want to clarify the details of the "non-news" I received from my doctor today. I got more information from my husband, who has permission to view my electronic medical record. Slides of tumor samples were sent to Pennsylvania in the end of November, and the analysis of those samples revealed more invasion of the capsule (the membrane that surrounds the tumor and protects healthy tissue) and an area suspicious for blood vessel invasion. What this means, in plain English, is that my chances of tumor spread to distant parts of my body just went up. After analyzing these samples, the pathologist requested that my entire tumor be sent to her for a more detailed analysis. As someone with medical background, my heart skips a beat when I hear things like this. In my experience, this means bad news 9 times out of 10. The final report of her analysis of my tumor in it's entirety is what my doctor didn't feel comfortable sharing today. And that is what has me on the edge of my seat, waiting for more news.

Tonight I am resting in the bone-weary pre-Christmas state following a long day of bustle. Baking, cooking, wrapping, making gifts, cleaning, and packing for several holiday car trips with four kids has filled my plate already, even without these latest events! I am headed to bed - shortly before 1 a.m., which is record time for the week before Christmas!

  • Aaron got Christmas Eve off unexpectedly!
  • I get to play in the church band for the Christmas Eve service tomorrow - and I can SING! God gave me my voice back, and I am excited to use it!
  • Healthy, happy children
  • White blanket of fresh snow for Christmas
  • Family, friends, food, beer, wine, presents, laughter...
  • Spirits peaceful, resting on God during this time when worry creeps in (especially for Aaron and I and my parents and other family members)
  • Our neighbors who lost their daughter today, the day before Christmas Eve
  • My children, that this worry over cancer wouldn't touch them too deeply this Christmas season