Courage to be the expert

The white and black of the printed page is covered in red ink. I am laughing on the phone with a believer in the South, and the red ink exhilarates me instead of scaring me. It has been thousands of days since I started down this path, and finally I can see the end. I push hard, long into the dark of night, the keyboard clicking against deadlines and my eyes burning from hours in front of the computer. It takes courage to look the dragons in their eyes and say, I think I can do this! I notice every time a strange obstacle emerges, and I think about spiritual warfare. It might not feel like I'm doing something for the kingdom, writing technical papers and conducting pilot studies, but why else would I be fighting so hard against things unseen to finish this race?

It takes bravery, too, to step away from the writing, to set aside the task that looms long and large, and feel spring with my children. To praise God for the sound of bird songs in my deaf ear that still can't understand people's voices. To see rainbows in the boiling water mist at dinner time. I look at the plane ticket confirmation, and it says 30 days to departure. One month to complete this task. I sigh deep, bone tired, and ask Him to fill me up, imbue me with strength so I can finish well. Does it matter to Him, I wonder? If the hairs on my head do, certainly He cares for my dreams. So I will be brave, and push on into the unknown.

written on Lisa-Jo's prompt, Bravery