When God is for me...


His toes are still, coiled up brown of the barefoot boy, in a smudge on the flannel sheet. Eyelids fluttering, blond hair spiky straight like a passel of wheat stalk on the pillow. I am typing furiously, back aching, working on through the sleeping house during nap time. I prayed long, hard, through nights and days of working on one paper, that God would touch me with inspiration, let my fingers move to tell a story instead of pulling each piece of that last paper out of my gut like a difficult surgery.

The story burgeons within and I can barely type fast enough to keep up with the thoughts flowing, filling. It all comes out as easily as a blog post, and I sit back with a sigh after three days of writing without stopping, and there are 26 pages in black and white before me on the screen. I laugh a little at myself, a geek who writes 26 pages of technical wonder like it is a story to be told. But that's what it is. It may be professional, it may be scientific, it may be boring to the average person. On those pages, it's my inspiration, my passion, my conviction.

Evan Loomis answers the question, "Does your work matter to God?" His reply is thoughtful.
Not only is this the place that God has placed you to work out your salvation in the world, but he has placed you with this job to work out your own sanctification before him, which I think is a distinction. It's not just that he's pleased, but that he has given this to you as a gift to shape your character, to form virtue and to really work out the kinks in your own character.
It was easier for me to draw the connection, when I was a bedside nurse. But nursing research, about how we teach and evaluate our students? How is that God-honoring? God Himself steps in with the answers, slowly but surely. And douses me with inspiration that makes my graduation hopes for May a real possibility.

  • Research studies God-created truths. I am studying how well humans can measure vital signs, which tells us more about the humans God created and their capacities.
  • God gets the glory when I finish well. Cancer, a daughter with special needs, an awful ectopic pregnancy, complications of cancer treatment, now hearing loss? He overcame it all and infused me with the strength needed to complete this degree.
  • Without teachers, there wouldn't be nurses. I am moving slowly to become one of the major branches of the nursing tree: my students will become branches off of the training God allowed me to pursue, and all their patients the flickering leaves.
  • Self-discipline, honesty, tenacity, and curiosity were honed during my studies. He is shaping my character through further education.
  • My soul was fed through this process. There is nothing more exhilarating to me than a research question answered! God has blessed me and fed me as I pursued this degree.
Gifts number 1,673-1,697:
...a dissertation flowing easily as poetry from brain to fingertips to page
...shorts weather in March
...Irish feast and Rubens for lunch the next day!
...mama and papa home safe
...a large gift from my father-in-law waters the soul
...my burning bush is back in white, flickering in the afternoon breeze
...the end. in. sight.