Seeing likeness...mourning differences

Did not the same one form us both within our mothers?
If I have denied the desires of the poor, if I have kept my bread to myself,
not sharing it with the fatherless-
if I have seen anyone perishing for lack of clothing,
or a needy man without a garment,
and his heart did not bless me for warming him with the fleece from my sheep,
then let my arm fall from the shoulder,
let it be broken off at the joint.
~ Job 31 ~

For the poor will never cease to be in the land; therefore I command you, saying, 'You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and poor in your land.'
~ Deuteronomy 15:11 ~

Why will they never cease to be in the land? Why will we always have poor? Part of me has always wanted to believe socialism: that if we could just improve distribution enough, force people to be fair and just, we could eradicate hunger, sickness, and crime. You know, make a heaven here on earth! I cry out in anger and despair that children like this beautiful little boy, Dennis, waste away in orphanages without proper nutrition or physical care. This little boy will die because of the heart defect he was born with. He is Rosy's age, and he weighs 12 pounds. He is so beautiful! Why is his life so different than my children, chubby cheeked and laughing as we jaunt through life running from joy to joy, overfull and blessed all of our days? I have a heart to adopt children, yet there is no way that I can take all the children, even all those on this one website, and care for them well. What am I to do? Is it even "Christian" to cry out in anger and despair? Yes! Resoundingly, YES, I believe it is. What I rail against is sin and death...the consequences of sin and death. That they seem to be unfairly meted out is not my business. My business is that I am a sinner, I am surrounded by sinners, a world full of them. What else can I do but cry out that we do, indeed, have a blessed hope, even in the face of such poverty and wretchedness as this? He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming quickly." Amen! Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20)

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men...live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking forward to that blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us, to redeem us from every lawless deed... (Titus 2 excerpted)

There’ll be no more sorrow when Jesus comes;
But a glorious morrow when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.

There’ll be no more weeping when Jesus comes;
But a blessed reaping when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.

~ There'll Be No Dark Valley, William Cushing, 1896

Hands, again...

It is something to face the sun and know you are free.
To hold your head in the shafts of daylight slanting the earth
And know your heart has kept a promise and the blood runs clean:
It is something.
God, it is something,
One day of life so
And a memory fastened till the stars sputter out
And a love washed as white linen in the noon drying.
...see the life, the memory, the love they have, to stay longer than the
plunging sea wets the shores or the fires heave under the crust of the earth.
O yes, clean hands is the chant and only one man knows its sob
and its undersong and he dies clenching the secret more to
him than any woman or chum.
~ Clean Hands, Carl Sandburg, 1922

Precious baby hands, plump, flexible, dexterous, exploring, probing, learning texture and twist and tenderness. My hands hurt so badly. A constant source of pain these days. I am praying that this little trial be lifted soon.

Sweet brother o' mine

Please pray for my brother Scott. Specifically, that he would find a job in law enforcement in the area. At this point, it basically has to drop out of the blue into his lap. Hiring is way down, and he has been searching for over a year. Pray for his faith, that he wouldn't lose it because of this job struggle, but that it would grow deeper instead. My heart is so heavy for him tonight. I love him so much and wish there was something I could do to make his life easier today.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
~ Psalm 139

Standing in the moment

Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living. We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it. This is the call. This is the order of our lives. We can commit them to God, and accept them from Him...we believe in a God who is in charge. We are not for one moment of our lives at the mercy of chance. We see the pattern of duty that lies before us and take it to be the will of God, so that the power of our own emotion to weaken our resolve is not a threat. We know, as the psalmist knew, "My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
~ Elisabeth Elliot, paraphrased from Let Me Be a Woman


This is the day which the Lord has made; I will rejoice, and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

I am tired. Worn out. Wishing that this stage, this being tired all the time life of mine, could be over soon. Yet in this moment, He's shaping my heart. He's molding me to withstand...who knows what? More sleepless nights with a hard-to-console baby in the future? More months of hypothyroidism with even more children next year, or two years from now?

When you're this tired, it's easy to let the doubts creep in. Plenty of people would support me if I said I'm maxed out. That I don't have the physical, emotional or spiritual reserves to handle any more on my plate right now. Of course, I'm being flooded with suggestions of that nature since spreading the news of our planned adoption. Yet deep within me resonates that "voice of truth" - the quiet breath of the Holy Spirit that tells me of grace that covers a multitude of ills. Ills like lack of energy, human incompetence, mothering a houseful of toddlers and preschoolers. God is great - He is certainly big enough for the paltry demands of my life!

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed...
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
~ The Voice of Truth, Casting Crowns