Standing in the moment

Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living. We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it. This is the call. This is the order of our lives. We can commit them to God, and accept them from Him...we believe in a God who is in charge. We are not for one moment of our lives at the mercy of chance. We see the pattern of duty that lies before us and take it to be the will of God, so that the power of our own emotion to weaken our resolve is not a threat. We know, as the psalmist knew, "My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
~ Elisabeth Elliot, paraphrased from Let Me Be a Woman


This is the day which the Lord has made; I will rejoice, and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

I am tired. Worn out. Wishing that this stage, this being tired all the time life of mine, could be over soon. Yet in this moment, He's shaping my heart. He's molding me to withstand...who knows what? More sleepless nights with a hard-to-console baby in the future? More months of hypothyroidism with even more children next year, or two years from now?

When you're this tired, it's easy to let the doubts creep in. Plenty of people would support me if I said I'm maxed out. That I don't have the physical, emotional or spiritual reserves to handle any more on my plate right now. Of course, I'm being flooded with suggestions of that nature since spreading the news of our planned adoption. Yet deep within me resonates that "voice of truth" - the quiet breath of the Holy Spirit that tells me of grace that covers a multitude of ills. Ills like lack of energy, human incompetence, mothering a houseful of toddlers and preschoolers. God is great - He is certainly big enough for the paltry demands of my life!

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed...
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
~ The Voice of Truth, Casting Crowns