Letting go and letting God

We weren’t originally designed to keep everything in play all the time. Something got broken in us when we left the Garden of Eden. We stopped trusting that God was good and that we were the apple of His eye. We have this suspicious feeling about letting go and letting God take us through the natural course of things.  ~ from (in)Courage, posted by Bonnie Gray

Sometimes God fills your hands so full, you are forced to realize you cannot juggle everything yourself.  Grief fills up your heart until it finally overflows and you cry embarrassing tears in front of people you would never cry with normally (like, say, your doctor).  And then the cup you thought was full of tears is miraculously overflowing with joy, and the laughter leaps out of you even though your sister-in-law is taking pictures and you normally wouldn't smile like that for the camera.

And you wake up too early and your eyes are scratchy with sleep and your son is crying at the top of his lungs because you pulled his sleeping fingers away from your neck to get up for devotions.  You look out the window and sigh because, even though it's not the way you wanted to wake up, there is a turquoise and gold sunrise outlining your favorite tree anyway...and You know that He knows exactly how you would wake up.  And sent you a visual gift to make it better for a moment.

Need opens your eyes to see when God is sending love and strength your way.  Your fridge is almost empty, and even though there's money in the bank account, your week is busy and you haven't planned a menu and you feel inept and overwhelmed.  And then, in the midst of those swirling thoughts, you put the sausage on the griddle and open the egg carton and you see God is there taking care of the details with the perfect number of eggs left there for breakfast, despite your lack of planning.

And it's seeping in deep...this Truth for the day that you are insufficient and He is sufficient and provisional and perfectly loving.  You turn around from the griddle and sigh as you look at the days work...the mess that extends along the 8 feet of the kitchen island and the clothes still in various stages of the summer-to-winter clothes sorting task piled a foot deep across the 8 feet of your dining room table.  Your mid-week leave-taking nags at the back of your mind and the 5 eggs in the carton are fast disappearing from your consciousness.  But there in the middle of the mess and the work is a dash of beauty that you didn't expect and still takes your breath away.  A "just because" bouquet from two women who know you better than anyone else and sent flowers to tell you you're still important, even when you fail and falter and wail and wallow!

On a day when you suddenly feel adrift in a sea of unfamiliar choices, when the familiar has given way to the unknown, and fellowship to loneliness...you reach evening time and realize that God knew exactly where you would be on this day, too.  And months ago filled your calendar with Family Sunday and your hours with improvised guitar duets, and children twirling to family music, and laughter ringing through the hardwood hallways and your mother's voice calling from the kitchen.  And you realize that He didn't just mean that He would be there, deep in the bottom of your soul when you are alone in the dark, when He said He would never leave you nor forsake you.  He fills your days and fills your cup and wipes your tears and soothes your flailing soul.