Expectant loneliness


Depression coming storming through the door today and takes me off guard. It's been so, so long. I am tossed by it's waves and struggle to keep hold to the Father's hand as the tide grips me tight and pulls me away. I miss the women I just met, wish I had friends like that in real life. Two long evenings this week, Aaron's been out late on call, and we are ships passing in the shadows of dawn and the dark of the cold night. I have a weekend alone to daunt me.

As He so often does, it is with a song He whispers comfort in my longing ear, head resting helpless on the hard wooden side of my swing, my eyes full of tears, and the quiet of country stifling in it's loneliness. So many times during this life, I've run from that ever-present sense of the God who fills all the spaces and places. Today I close eyes to squeeze tears down cheeks and breath a quiet thank you to the God who never leaves and ever loves and lavishes.


She's a sparkle in her Father's eye
kind of like the moon tonight
she's destined for divinity
His portion is His purity
and a glance His way comes across her face
He sheds a tear, oh oh
amazing grace how sweet the sound
amazing love oh she's been found
a sparkle in her Father's crown
holy love come raining down come storming in,
be jealous found

come violent love
come stormy seas
sweep fear away and you shall be
a sparkle in the Father's crown

and even if he had ninety nine
stayed at home and stayed in line
he would not be satisfied
He would still go out to find
the one who's always on His mind
and bring her back, arms opened wide
~Jamie's Song, Kristene Mueller~




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