I can't remember the way home

The lights have gone off in the hotel. I barely make it out of the elevator before the power shuts off. "Isn't there a generator?" I wonder. I stumble down the hall. Fear starts to grip my stomach with his iron bands, and my hands are shaking a little. I can't remember which door is ours. I just want to get into my own space, a space with windows and a little light. Anxiety clouds my judgment further and I can't seem to recall whether we're on the left or the right side of the hall. Praying doesn't even occur to me. How I wish I could change that! Remember to tap into divine power and love in times like these. Crises. I don't handle them very well.

I go up the hall in the direction I think our room is, and keep trying doors. Key in, and there's no flashing light to tell me if it worked or not. Do keys even work when the power is out? Another unanswerable question. All the while, in my panic, I'm throwing a mental tantrum. Why do things like this always happen to me? Where is God when the lights are out? How am I supposed to find home? I stop with my hand against the wall. There is a red glow I hadn't noticed from the exit signs. Am I supposed to exit? Why is the power out? Is there a fire?

I'm looking for escape, but I what I really need to do is calm down. I don't have my meds with, there's nothing to focus on and calm down, just emptiness. Finally one door, and I try the key, and the door opens. Not because of my key, that magic credit card that opens it for me usually. The door was opened by my father.

This is an analogy of how post-traumatic stress feels. I feel this way ALL the time. Especially in large groups. I need to learn to cope differently. First, call out to my Father in heaven. Next, decide to accept things the way they are. Third, accept there is a cause for this, but it is something I cannot change. Then I need to let go, and remember that life can be worth living despite my despair, anguish, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, powerlessness. I don't have to feel that way, because my God is none of those things. He is joyful, accepting, fearless, still, the maker of hope and the most powerful of all.


What do you say to someone who feels like they've lost it all
over the edge with no one there to break their fall
and what do you say to someone who feels so unloved
giving themselves away a little bit every day just to be good enough
and what do you say to a hopeless soul who can't remember their way home
and everything is out of their control.

There is no valley, there is no darkness
there is no sorrow greater than the grace of Jesus.
There is no moment, there is no distance,
there is no heartbreak He can't take you through.
So before you think that you're too lost to save,
Remember there is nothing greater than grace.

What do you say to someone whose life is on the line
and they're unsure what happens after their last breath in time
what do you say to someone whose built a wall you can't break through
and it's so hard for them to hear the truth

There is no valley, there is no darkness
there is no sorrow greater than the grace of Jesus.
There is no moment, there is no distance,
there is no heartbreak He can't take you through.
So before you think that you're too lost to save,
Remember there is nothing greater than grace.

So don't lose hope, don't let go
don't give up, you are not alone