Sunday's ray of hope

Amy is doing better today after 18 hours on IV antibiotics. She is less sleepy and more talkative. The doctors just rounded and told us to expect to be in until Tuesday morning unless something changes for better or worse in her condition.

I wake up from nightmares wandering through hospital ICU's looking for my baby. I hold her realistic baby doll like a sack of potatoes from my arms and get glares from the nurses as I walk the halls. Finally, I find her. She is in horrible shape and her eyes have gone completely dead, no spark when she sees me. I am forced to go back to work and leave her there, listening to her screams echo the halls as I walk away. I sit up with a start and for a moment it all seems real. Then the hotel surroundings seep in and I realize I am left with only the remnants of visceral fear a nightmare leaves as memory and a pounding headache testament to late hours and way too much stress.

Ironically, the very verses I wrestle with during the "day to day" of our family's trials are the ones I cling to, repeating over and over throughout these hardest days. I will not give you more than you can bear. (I Corinthians 10:13)

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)

I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13)

I will offer up my life

In spirit and truth,

Pouring out the oil of love

As my worship to You

In surrender I must give my every part;

Lord, receive the sacrifice

Of a broken heart

Jesus, what can I give, what can I bring

To so faithful a friend, to so loving a King?

Savior, what can be said, what can be sung

As a praise of Your name

For the things You have done?

Oh my words could not tell, not even in part

Of the debt of love that is owed

By this thankful heart

You deserve my every breath

For You've paid the great cost;

Giving up Your life to death,

Even death on a cross

You took all my shame away,

There defeated my sin

Opened up the gates of heaven

And have beckoned me in

~I Will Offer Up My Life, Matt Redman~