Freedoms & fears

The longest...and most dangerous...leash this 5-year-old country girl has ever been on: 10 yards across our quiet country road to the mailbox. We walk her down to the end, the three younger ones and I, and stand at the end of the driveway, looking right and left, "helping" her spot any oncoming cars. Truthfully, a trained ear hears the rumble down the uneven blacktop for 1/2 a mile or more. After a more than thorough view of both ends of our short stretch of street, she runs pell-mell across to the opposite ditch, and slowly and carefully picks her way through the snow the 10 feet up to the mailbox. Opens carefully, standing to the side so she isn't sticking out into "traffic". Glances over her shoulder at least 100 times before all the mail is pried, piece by piece, out of the box and into mittened hands. Calls us to help her "check" again, and then yells, "Mama, is it safe to come now?" No confidence in her own rudimentary skills. (After all, haven't I warned them that the big grain and gravel trucks would kill them in an instant?) She runs head-long, legs stretched to eat up as much ground in one leap as possible. Crashes into our ditch and slowly picks her way through the deep drift up to the culvert, the driveway, the four of us waiting...safety. Her audible sigh of relief. And then the smile. "Look, mama! I did it! I crossed all by myself!"

This little elf of mine isn't constrained by her short leash. She doesn't pull at the tether. She doesn't even feel it, except to absorb the certainty and bliss of protection and trust that flows between us, mother and daughter. I am not so with Christ. I am the toddler with the "I do it myself" attitude, hands on hips, begging to be loosed to self. I wish it were possible to do as Amy often tells me I should: "you just grow yittew (little) again, Mama, so I's can take care of you." Oh, to grow little again...most especially in faith! To know, with certainty, that I can't do it myself. To feel the tug of Father-God, and revel in protection. To glance a 100 times backwards when given freedom. To run pell-mell across the distance that separates us for those times of sin in my days. To smile proudly up at Him in accomplishment.

In the spirit of growing little again, I am putting myself on a self-discipline "diet". I am required to be on a strict food diet in preparation for my upcoming tests and possible cancer treatment March 23-28. I am putting myself on a water-only diet by joining forces with many others to provide clean water to Africans...
http://www.bloodwatermission.com/

I am going to learn about using food sensibly by finishing this...
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/lords_table/

And to follow up my recent study of Elisabeth Elliot's Discipline: The Glad Surrender, I will study this...
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/1730_The_Dangerous_Duty_of_Delight_Sample/

My journey begins on my 30th birthday, March 1st. I won't be done until April 10th. Join me if you wish! Let's shed some fears - and freedoms - together this spring.