Crying out to rise again

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again." (Prov 24:16a)

The curbside Prophet there yelling at me

Yeah, he's yelling about my tattoos

But we all live with the scars we choose

They might hurt like hell, but they all make us stronger

~ Take Me As I Am, Sugarland ~

The puckered red leather top on our maple syruping table is a parable of my soul. There is something painful about each crack and line, but there is a hidden beauty as well. Something well worn, well loved, still useful.

The nightmares and flashbacks are intense. Sometimes I emerge crying, the vivid pictures of my childhood abuse and scars from college searing my soul right out of sleep. I am afraid to be alone. I am afraid of the dark again, like I was as a child.

I picture myself the chick under the wings of God, the hen who guards the young. The devil swoops in and out, but nothing penetrates that shield. I may be broken and fragile because of these flashbacks, but through the Cross, I will overcome. I will get better. Christ is a giant compared to these light and momentary trials I face. I see opportunity after opportunity stretching as far as the eye can see, once I am better. I remember being 7 years old and wishing I could see God just so I could be wrapped up in a single hug from the Savior I trust. I feel that way again. Wishing for a God-hug. A bear hug. A hug that infuses me with strength to endure.

The storm clouds overhead won't shed

Any rain to quench your thirst

I want to be the One you reach for first

When your faith is stretched so thin

That you can see straight through your soul

And you can't find a nickel to buy a smile

'Cause your pockets all got holes

You want to shut the door and hide

Before the day can get much worse

I want to be the One you reach for first

Fall into me

My arms are open wide

And you don't have to say a word

'Cause I already see

That it's hard and you're scared

And your tired and it hurts

And I want to be the One you reach for first

Before you turn the key

Before you fall asleep

Before you drift away to fight

those demons waiting for you in your dreams

Fall into me.

I want to be the One you reach for first.

~Fall Into Me, Sugarland~