The naked soul

My husband and I, we're bare together. He asks me what I'm thinking and I do my best to tell him. With the children, I keep a few clothes on depression. Try to minimize it. Make sure they know I am not sad because of something they've done. 

I go for counseling, and my therapist is one of those people you'd be best friends with if you weren't in a professional relationship. I try to be bare with her, but fear creeps in: what if she thinks I need to go to the hospital? What if she thinks I'm an unfit mother?
I go to group therapy to learn how to cope with this mess. But here I'm wearing a long black cape. How does one get to a place where you share the intimate details of life with complete strangers - and all of them with issues themselves?  I speak only twice during group, from the shrouds of my cape, my eyes turned downward toward the worksheet I've covered with geometric shapes. A pictorial of my anxiety in black ink.
Somewhere in this stripped bare person there has to be a switch, a plug-in. Why do I feel so far from God? The Psalmist comforts, for he felt the same.
Do not cast me off...forsake me not when my strength is spent. O God, be not far from me; O my God, make haste to help me! With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. (from Psalm 71)
He is there, He has not forgotten. To Him, my troubles come naked and parade themselves unashamed, for they have been washed in the redeeming blood. He is not afraid of the reel of sins my mind's eye is playing. He is not shocked by my naked sorrow. It is the one place I can go where speaking is not required, for He knows me in my nakedness, and peers deep into my troubled soul.
...then hear in heaven your dwelling place and forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways (for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind). (I Kings 8:39)

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