My husband and I, we're bare together. He asks me what I'm thinking and I do my best to tell him. With the children, I keep a few clothes on depression. Try to minimize it. Make sure they know I am not sad because of something they've done.
I go for counseling, and my therapist is one of those people you'd be best friends with if you weren't in a professional relationship. I try to be bare with her, but fear creeps in: what if she thinks I need to go to the hospital? What if she thinks I'm an unfit mother?
Do not cast me off...forsake me not when my strength is spent. O God, be not far from me; O my God, make haste to help me! With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. (from Psalm 71)
...then hear in heaven your dwelling place and forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways (for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind). (I Kings 8:39)
17 comments:
Such raw beauty here. I am praying you feel His nearness today. Blessings!
I do love the gift of baring of the soul and heart to God ... and the grace we find in His presence. The scariness is still there, but His words bring comfort and encouragement to keep coming back and baring just a bit more ... of what He already knows. Thanks for sharing your heart! Visiting from 5 minute friday.
Wow...Oh dear how stunning this is. Your words. Your honesty. Your fight that each day is new and filled with His promises and love.
"It is the one place I can go where speaking is not required," How that took me and made me calm. Such truth. THANK you for baring yourself that we may all rejoice in God's grace.
This is writing so honest and beautiful that it makes my heart ache. I too have journeyed down a scarred and crooked path through depression, group therapy, hospitals -- but never so eloquently as you. "My troubles come naked and parade themselves unashamed..." Thank you for this stunning reminder of grace today.
Your honesty about your daily journey, it's so full of courage and raw beauty, and eloquence, as Erin stated above. It makes me ache, too, and I want to pound my fists and say "Yes!" with tears in my eyes, because you are stunning in your brokenness, held in God's gentle grace. Thank you for this.
I prayed for you.
Thank you so much, Nikole. I had a pretty good - probably partly because of your prayer! "The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well, and if he has sinned, his sins will be forgiven." (James 5:15)
Sorry you are feeling far away from God and thankful we don't have to rely on our feelings. They often lie. Praying you find peace, the person, not the place during this season. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your heart here. I hope it helps someone to do the same.
washed and redeemed, yes
and shining for His glory
raw. oh, so raw, and so so beautiful.
i have knelt for you today. you are hugged, treasured, and loved.
Thank you for this reminder - I have to constantly remind myself of this, that emotions lie.
I hope you know there is majesty in the courage you show here in sharing this with us.
i couldn't agree more with Robert. thank you for your courage. what we have seen, in this glimpse with your black cape aside, it is beautiful. yes. we agree with what God thinks.
we're here for you friend. and the fact that you're reaching out and getting help, shows that you love your children more than life itself. you are a beautiful mother. praying for you.
I think you're very brave. Thankful for your God: I know Him, and He's right with you...whether you're with your man, your kids, your therapist, your group, etc. I know He'll see you through and that you'll be all the more powerful and good for having gone through this time.
Yes--you are reaching out, doing the hard work of therapy, asking for prayer--battling heroically. It is a privilege to pray for you Genevieve.
This was so raw. I'm glad you have a therapist you like and a group you, sort of, trust. I know writing my truth here in the blogs helps me look at myself in a mirror. It's funny, the more truthful I am... the more naked I am... the more exposed I let myself be here..., the better I see myself and discover who I am. God is good, all the time. Even when we don't know he's right next to us.
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