Undercurrents

We are apt to say-"It is not in the least likely that having been through the supreme crisis, I shall turn now to the things of the world." Do not forecast where the temptation will come, it is the least likely thing that is the peril. In the aftermath of a great spiritual transaction the "retired sphere of the leasts" begins to tell; it is not dominant, but remember it is there, and if you are not warned, it will trip you up. You have remained true to God under great and intense trials, now beware of the undercurrent. Do not be morbidly introspective, looking forwared with dread, but keep alert; keep your memory bright before God. Unguarded strength is double weakness because that is where the "retired sphere of the leasts" saps. The Bible characters fell on their strong points, never on their weak ones.

"Kept by the power of God"-that is the only safety.
~ Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest


That is my current peril: to come through the fire, the heat of the crisis of the cancer diagnosis, and get swallowed by all the smoke in the aftermath, as I live with cancer. Likely it will be the everyday things...the stresses of motherhood, the difficulties of marriage, school deadlines, writing deadlines, housework, serving at church...that bog me down. I have a heightened sense that I need to define my purpose, to delineate what I am supposed to be doing, in a big sense. Not just what is next on my calendar. What is next for my soul? Obviously, this trial is meant to yield certain results, otherwise what sense can be made of such things? I may never ferret out God's supreme purpose, but I feel as though I must be on the lookout for the little things that threaten to pull the whole thing apart. I need to be faithful in the details, as always. Yet more so in this aftermath of a stressful year. As I near the one year mark, I am still unsure where I am headed. Although it looks as though I'll survive this current crisis, I still don't know why I was asked to walk through it. I don't want to defeat a giant only to be done in by an innocent, beautiful distraction (David's story, Psalm 51).