It is safe here, I've found. What lies ahead is something I have little control over: my faith is still a conscious choice I make, in the middle of circumstances that confound. I fainted yesterday, and rolled to the edge of a very real precipice. I couldn't get down to the floor, and I stood, paralyzed as darkness swept over me like dust before wind in the desert. I was holding a glass baby bottle and a glass quart jar full of raw milk. In the midst of preparing a bottle, most ordinary of tasks. Yet suddenly life was on "pause", and I was sliding under the surface once again.
I woke up in a sea of milk and shards of broken glass. I held the stem of the baby bottle in one hand. My hair was wet with milk, and I looked desperately for my children and for what seemed like an inevitable pool of blood from my wounds. There was a little blood - but just a little. Oddly, I cut myself on the elbow and the tip of my middle toe. That's it! Somehow I managed to escape serious injury, even as I lifted myself up precariously and tip-toed out of the wreckage.
A young woman of some wisdom recently posited, to the anonymous masses of the internet audience, "Why do we fear submitting an unknown future to a known God?" This became very real to me, as I lay in the puddle of milk, blood and glass. I had no control over that fall, or the way my body landed amongst the shards. But God was watching the whole thing, and moved to protect me.
And so, today I simply write praise in thanks for protection. However long this trial lasts, I know He cares for me.
I don't know about tomorrow I just live from day to day
I don't borrow from the sunshine for the skies may turn to grey
And I don't worry o'er the future for I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him for He knows what is ahead
Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow and I know He holds my hand
I don't know about tomorrow, it may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow, is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion, may be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered with His blood.
~ I Know Who Holds Tomorrow, Ira Stanphill
I don't borrow from the sunshine for the skies may turn to grey
And I don't worry o'er the future for I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him for He knows what is ahead
Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow and I know He holds my hand
I don't know about tomorrow, it may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow, is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion, may be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered with His blood.
~ I Know Who Holds Tomorrow, Ira Stanphill
2 comments:
You alone are Father.
You alone are God!
You alone are Saviour!
He was there. Rolling my baby down among the shards. Praise You, Lord.
Hi Genevieve,
I'm a new reader and fellow thyca survivor. I think that your writing is beautiful, and I've been enjoying your posts. I am also blogging about my life w/ thyca because I find comfort in reading how other people work their lives, and hope I can provide the same comfort.
I also keep a list of other thyca survivor's blogs, and wanted to ask your permission to add your's to the list.
-Robin
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