Burden of intellect

Journalism often piques my interest: last night I read a line in a rather humdrum World article that set my wheels spinning. Is curiosity, intellect - that burning desire to understand, discover, know - a curse or a blessing? I look back over the Year of Cancer, and think about all the thoughts consumed, the time spent researching, agonizing, digging. Digging into books, articles, publications; deep into the Bible, my own soul, the whisper and hush of winds and trees and fields that spoke deep of eternal things. How much easier life would be without that drive! How much simpler to take a doctor at his word, step forward with unwavering faith.

That's not my gift - and not my curse. Questioning is. Adrift on an ancient ocean of angst, feeling the tug and undertow of dark currents and the wash and sparkle of fresh waves of faith, I was cast upon the Rock of Ages. I clutched the rock, too, of the great love God provided me just a few years prior to the crisis. Now I am left with reflections, the dull artistic capture of old photographs that caught just a few lines and shadows of a rich scene tenable only to human eyes. No camera can capture life in it's entirety; and only a gifted artist can hope to show others the flavor of what is seen through the limitations of the lens. As I look back on the art created during the chaos of cancer, I struggle to commit those lessons to heart. That the only grooves left by the river of that experience would not be pain and anger and separation; that the lessons I learned of Savior, the lessons of what it is to be loved and to love...those would shine through, brilliant. Washing the pain of the experience into a blurred background, the beauty of spiritual fruit glowing brilliant in the foreground.

For now, I continue to shoulder the burden of an inquiring soul. And praise God that Aaron holds my hand as I walk unknown paths through the forest and field of this beautiful, tragic, unsearchable life.

I run from hate
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
I run to you

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through
And our love's the truth
That's why I run to you
~ I Run to You, Lady Antebellum