Change of plans

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The wind blows wild and weird, howling around the corners of the house, as if the earth knows the sorrow of this day, wishes to sweep away the ashes collected from last year's triumphant palms. I lift Old Speckled Hen up to my lips, drinking in the smells and sounds of a London pub, closing my eyes to the vision of him at 19, Bob Dylan brown like a lion's mane around his red whiskers. It is happy birthday I'm drinking down, a week early just in case the actual day heralds bad news this year.

I arrived at Mayo with Aaron yesterday to find that my appointment had been inexplicably scheduled in error, for a Sunday, February 5th, before I even went there for my hearing loss. The schedulers were completely miffed as to how an appointment could have been scheduled in the past. Instead of having an MRI to rule out a brain tumor as a potential cause for my sudden hearing loss and facial nerve pain, I only had another hearing test (which showed the hearing loss has finally stabilized instead of getting worse) and another consultation with the doctor. No new treatment was indicated, so I went home with more pain meds and a plan to wean off the steroids I've been on for 3 weeks now.

What is God up to? Why would this test not happen this week? He lays before me another week of waiting, a week of living with this pain that makes my heart jump with fear of another tumor. I will receive the news of the MRI results on my birthday next week. It all seems like such a hard road to walk. Infinitely more difficult than it would have been to get the news this week. Did he want to preserve Caleb's birthday from bad news? Is he giving the tumor or illness time to heal so that I won't have to undergo brain surgery? Who can know? I read that "worry does not empty tomorrow of it's troubles; it empties today of it's strength". I try to lay aside the anxiety and take up his easy burden.
And when the servant of the man of God arose early and went out, there was an army, surrounding the city with horses and chariots. And his servant said to him, 'Alas, my master! What shall we do?' So he answered, 'Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, and said, 'Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.' Then the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw. And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. (II Kings 6:15-17
Bare feet stepping on glass 
We break along life’s paths 
Our fear and loss, we bring it all to you 
Soul-breather, making all things new  
You’re making all things new 

We come in pieces 
We come in fragments 
We come discolored 
To the foot of the cross 
Our Maker sees us 
All that we have been 
Bonds us together 
The Image of God 

Clay vessels molded for His own 
Shall we question him who holds 
And shapes us, for His perfect use 

Soil breaking for the seed 
Seed breaking for the life 
His life broken for the soul 
We are remade whole, remade whole