What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. (Psalm 56:3)Ah, the downward slope of the roller coaster! I was awakened at 5 a.m. to a silent world. An ear infection has destroyed my sense of hearing in one ear, and my good ear was no longer functioning. I can hear deep voices and shouts, but otherwise the world is completely still.
I know only a few signs. One of them is "I love you". A comfort when the children flash it at me, chattering in their high pitched voices that I cannot hear. I lost my voice from surgery when I first was diagnosed with cancer. This seems eerily familiar: the inability to communicate with my children as I normally do. I fear for their safety - crossing a street, for instance, I won't be able to hear the oncoming car. I am afraid I will no longer be able to help them as I should. My primary emotion right now is terror. I am not sure if I will ever hear again. But I know who holds the future, and the path that is my portion may be through flame or flood, but His presence goes before me, and I'm covered in His blood.
Please pray for me. I always fight odd and seemingly random and severe infections after I take the radioactive iodine. This time, the effects are so drastic. Yet I have hope that it is just infection and will clear up before my auditory nerves are destroyed. Pray that my hearing will be restored and my ears healed. Pray for the peace that passeth understanding to bathe my fear in His love and provision. Pray that He helps me mother these children in my new world of silence. Oh, how I need Him in this hour of the shadow of the valley!