Water from the rock

He sends a cascade of bubbles, little orbs prismatic popping in my hair, and the din of twenty voices slurs to static white noise in a moment stolen with my son. 

The kids tumble out the doors to the playground, and I can hear the high notes of their glee as they clamber and scamper around us. Aaron puts his arm around my shoulders, wool on wool rasping, and I squint from the suddenness of the sound. I think to the next day - a day at Mayo searching for answers - and then quickly back to the joy of this day. 

My mother hands me a napkin while we are at Mayo, right after I hear that I might have a tumor in my brain causing my loss of hearing. It's a Doctor Seuss quote, and I immediately shrug it off. After all, who ever found philosophy illustrated with Thing 1 and Thing 2?

"Do not cry because it is over, celebrate that it happened at all."

I just heard "remission" the week before, and now I am hearing brain tumors. But "remission" did happen, and we did celebrate, and it was wonderful. The sounds of the cafeteria and the waterfall fade to gray, and I am there, in my head, back at Perkins celebrating remission with my kids and our waitress and my beautiful mother. I know God holds the answers to my sudden deafness. Maybe remission was His gift to me, knowing that I would walk another desert soon. The Israelites in Exodus 17 cried for water and cursed God for leading them into the desert. Moses hit the rock with his staff, and water flowed. Water for that day. Afterwards, they traveled on in the parched desert. But that water from the rock was indelibly imprinted, a memory of His goodness, His greatness, His provision. Maybe remission was my water from the rock.

The truth is, God has a great love for struggling people. Struggling people don't forget about Him; they don't think they have enough strength on their own; they don't quit talking to him, quit asking for what they need. Struggling people cling to Him because all else is shaking ground.

It was you who opened up springs and streams; you dried up the ever flowing rivers. The day is yours, and yours also the night; you established the sun and moon. It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter. (Psalm 76:15-17)

Wherever I am, whatever the trial or celebration, whoever I am with, I am with God. He set these days before me before one of them came to be. He holds me and loves me, even when life seems harsh. Resting in His arms through darkness is the only way to survive life's nights.