I can't hear the words to music. It seems like such a small inconvenience, but, to someone who loves music as I do, who goes through each day to an internal soundtrack of songs, it's a pretty big deal. My thoughts drift to hearing aids. I wonder if they would help. At this point, I don't even really know what my long-term options are as we still aren't sure why I've lost some of my hearing or whether or not it will come back.
I look at the hearing aid case at the doctor's office, and I see some of them look just like earrings. So that's pretty cool.
My counselor asks how I'm handling all of this, and I guess I am handling it well. My emotions are raging (thanks in part to the steroids), but I'm living with my emotions without freaking out or reverting to my old habits of harmful coping skills. I haven't said the "c" word in front of the kids. I know it will be hard for them on the 21st, if the MRI shows cancer and I go right to surgery. But at this point, just a week after we heard "remission", I think it would be worse to worry about it for the intervening two weeks. So, to some extent, I'm dealing with the darkest of the worries on my own.
I crave your prayers - that my hearing might be restored, that they will find and treat the cause, that I don't have another kind of cancer. Thank you for all the love you've poured out on me over the past week since this trial hit. I am blessed more than you know.