..."modern" people have an urge to reduce assessments of their lives to things that can be presented in tables, charts, and graphs - personal and national economic statistics. This sharpens their minds by narrowing them. Such people might as well measure out their lives in coffee spoons. In 1934, long before mankind strode jauntily into what it contentedly calls "the information age", T.S. Eliot asked:
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
~ George Will, Are You Better Off? That Depends
Life demands explanation, contemplation, assessment. It is in crises like the one I am experiencing that you suddenly find your life reduced to it's elements, and you ask yourself questions above how to derive meaning, what meaning is, and how to measure it. It is a blessing in disguise, I think - this reshuffling and almost automatic recalibration of my internal priority mechanisms. Caleb lets out one whimper, and my schoolwork is set aside for the pleasure of basking in his chubby baby-ness. Rosy and Amy start to fight, and I drop lunch preparations for a quick oiling and re-tuning of the sibling interactions. Aaron hovers near me for a mere moment, and the housework that once seemed so compelling and necessary fades quickly into the background category of "things to be done when there is extra time".
I think about statistics alot these days - primarily because over half of my graduate credits are statistics-related this semester. I am constantly reminded that they are but a tool to describe truth. Truth exists independent of the statistics that describe it. Statistics may be manipulated, carressed; truth is solid and unshakeable. The probabilities of my cancer recurring or of the iodine treatment being effective are ultimately inconsequential because God knows my comings and goings, my heart, my longings, my dreams and hopes, and my eventual end. Statistics are but a feeble human means to capture the essence of my truth. Intuition cannot be expressed in statistics; nor can trust. I have both, gifts from an intuitive and faithful Savior when He created me. I have been reminded of this time and again as a nurse - an artist in understanding and helping humanity through the physical (and consequently, emotional and psychological) challenges of mortal living. I am asked over and over if nursing is a science, and what statistical methods and designs are best suited to study it. While I value science as a means to an end, I ultimately believe in a bigger picture - and a much broader perspective on human life as an immeasurable gift of a loving God.
I went for a second opinion because the first didn't "jive" with either my scientific knowledge or my intuition. But in this adventure of seeking treatment through traditional medical means, I pray I don't lose sight of the all-powerful hand of God in swaying the end result in either direction. The best I can do as I feel led, involve my husband and his wonderful sense of discernment, and pray that God grants mercy in this current crisis - for the health of the mama and the children as we embark into new territory as a family.
Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking...When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain. ~ Hebrews 12:25 & 27
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