To whirl patient

But Thou art making me, I thank Thee, sire.
What Thou hast done and doest Thou knows't well.
And I will help Thee; gently in Thy fire
I will lie burning; on Thy potter's wheel
I will whirl patient, though my brain should reel.
Thy grace shall be enough the grief to quell,
And growing strength perfect through weakness dire.
~ George MacDonald, Diary Of an Old Soul, October 2

I haven't lay burning or whirled patiently this morning! It is one of those days when I run around putting out fire after fire. If someone were to draw a caricature of me today, it would be a mother bent at the waist, picking things up behind a laughing toddler busy strewing things every which way! I finally gave up and sent the older three outdoors to get dirty (and happy) while I clean up the morning messes indoors. Now I am sitting holding one baby (Susan) while another baby squeals to be held. I managed to read a short devotional that is e-mailed me each day from Elisabeth Elliot's publications. This paragraph from George MacDonald inspired me to quiet my soul in prayer and beg for assistance as I love and care for these dear children today.

Why is it that the pain of the impending separation sometimes makes me hold my children closer, cherishing them more, and at other times makes me want to push them away? I don't understand that about my nature. It is as if the pain drives me to that which I am grieving! I withdraw from them emotionally, or get irritated by their little failings or innocent mischief, when it is the loss of emotional connection and being surrounded by their precious little hands and feet that I am so lamenting. What is it about us humans that compels us to that which is exactly opposite of what we desire and strive for?? I wish I could cut this part out with some magic spiritual knife - toss the "old sin nature" far from me and walk forward on the path I have intended without swerving. I pray that is the work that is being done in my nature through this trial. That I may develop that steadfastness of purpose and unhindered dependence on Him for mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering (Colossians 3:12).