Growing in rocky places

This little fern caught my attention, amongst the huge boulders of basalt on the North Shore, clinging to some little tidbit of nourishment or vein of soil beneath them.  I am the fern in the rocks.  For the past few days, I've been battling what I assumed was heart failure returning (due to stress, I surmised).  I was quite swollen by today, with no sign of making progress with my usual herbs, so I called my doctor - the regular one.  He told me to go to the emergency room.  My reaction, of course, was "Pshaw!  Go to the emergency room because I am a little swollen??  Of course not!"  So I called a second doctor, and he said the same thing.  I reluctantly agreed to go...after working on my paper for another three hours.

When I got there, I expected something to remove the excess water and a quick return ticket home.  Instead, I am admitted.  Lab work shows my thyroid hormones are sky high, despite reductions in my medications at the previous two clinic visits.  This means a probably return or resurgence or increase in cancer, something like that.  And that is what is causing the swelling, and the odd heart rates, and my intense impression that I might die if I sit outdoors in the heat for more than a few minutes.  I received some medications to control the chest pain I was having, and now I am waiting for more tests until tomorrow, from both my oncologist and my cardiologist.

When we dream, it's of the wind, blowing cold and hard
When we wake up we still live in a house of cards
~ Mary Chapin Carpenter