A hymn for my sorrow

Yesterday, in the depths of grief as I watched Amelia sleep and sleep after 6 seizures by midday, I tried singing a favorite song for these times...Ginny Owen's If You Want Me To (if you like her stuff, be sure to check out her 2-disc set that's about to be released, including a song co-written by a young woman battling cancer). But that wasn't quite what I wanted to say to God. These words came instead, as I played some random chords. I decided to record it - something I rarely do. My kids will need to hear it someday when their own lives are hard.

I see you walking by with your carefree smile
I turn my eyes down in shame for my tears
Life has always been unfair but never so cruel
Why do others sleep in peace and I sleep in fear?

Years ago it was my own pain I felt.
Blessings have built a new kind of heartache
When it’s someone you love who cries in pain
And you wonder how much more you can take

Where is God, this God you proclaimed?
You run begging for help and only receive
Silence and sorrow and weeping despair
Faith becomes harder to find and retrieve

He says in the end that He’ll make it alright
And if heaven’s what matters, I know He is right
But when grief overcomes you this side of the grave
It’s hard to remember why you call yourself “saved”.

It’s all up to my choices in the moment of truth
Will I believe without seeing or turn from Your face?
Will I bear Your banner in a land of disbelief
And ignore the mockers who laugh at my faith?

When I cross over Jordan, and hand you my life
Remember those choices, please, won’t you, Lord...
Mention that time that I took the hard path,
Tell me that’s why there’s this jewel in gold.

~ Psalm 73, a hymn for my sorrow ~

You can read David's Psalm 73 here.