What if you can't forgive?

Some of the pain is leeching out, day by day, the soul pain, the kind you can do nothing for. Friends lost slowly become benign memories, and are replaced by the sweet faces of those who ran toward you in your darkest hour.

Dam on Chippewa River, near paper plant
II Corinthians 2:4-10 has been a beachhead for my sanity throughout the conflict as we left our last church. The simplicity of God-given forgiveness confuses the intellectual, and sometimes even the person doing the forgiving. It is a supernatural experience to have God's love flowing out of your heart in an unstoppable rush when common sense should leave you reeling from the damage done. The assassin of your peace does not know one key component to this God-breathed forgiveness: with God there is nothing, short of true blasphemy, that could sever His love for both offender and offended. And another thing: both offender and offended will be forever changed as you engage in Spirit-led forgiveness, outside of the apologies, or the repeat offenses, or even your own feeling on the subject. God's Word has transforming power.

Overflow dam gates at the Chippewa River this week
Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it. My counsel now is to pour on the love.  (2 Corinthians 2:5-8 Message)
Swirls in Chippewa River just below the dam
I'd be willing to guess that, no matter how heinous the offense against you, you do not want to be the one
standing guard, the spite of the offense in your rock hard heart, watching as the offender goes down drowning in the river of your contempt. So choose, sinner, to forgive in spite of. In this way, we will defeat Satan and champion our Lord, who delivers both the suffering and the accusers from guilt and shame and welcomes us all to the feasting table.

I was standing at the counter
I was waiting for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart

After taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted
I could not find my way back
After driving out the memory
Of the way things might have been
After I'd forgotten all about us
The song remembers when

We were rolling through the Rockies
We were up above the clouds
When a station out of Jackson played that song
And it seemed to fit the moment
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music up and sang along

And there was a God in Heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and were in love
And we were easy to convince
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I have forgotten all about it
The song remembers when

I guess something must have happened
And we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken
Though I can't recall just why
The song remembers when

Well, for all the miles between us
And for all the time that's passed
You would think I haven't gotten very far
And I hope my hasty heart
Will forgive me just this once
If I stop to wonder how on Earth you are

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten

The song remembers when
Yeah, and even if the whole world has forgotten
The song remembers when

My Gratitude Journal, this week, #657-660. Depression makes me so tired. I need to pull up my bootstraps and get back to faithful recording of those things that bring joy even through the dark days.
#657 The broken is bound up and cared for by the King of Glory.
#658 His blessings overflow our expections
#659 Unexpected day with good friends
#660 Melanie's wisdom, boughten at such a high price, helps me now