Crashing down

When the rain comes it seems that everyone has
gone away
When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't
find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do
I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away
When the rain comes
you blame it on the things that
you have done
When the storm fades
you know that rain must fall
on everyone
Rest awhile
it'll be alright
No one loves you like I do
When the rain comes
I will hold you
~ When the Rain Comes, Third Day

Amelia was diagnosed "empirically" (without laboratory evidence) with viral encephalitis today. A new team of doctors was added, the infectious disease specialists. The lead doctor of this team seems to be channeling a slightly kinder version of Dr. House, which we consider a good thing at this point in the journey. He strongly suspects herpes simplex virus or varicella, the viruses that most commonly cause cold sores and chickenpox. There is a 30-75% mortality rate if it is herpes simplex. The mortality rate is higher the longer it takes to diagnose this disease. Amelia has been showing symptoms for 7 days prior to diagnosis.

If I could, I would spill some emotion into this. But I really don't have any more spilling in me. I learned this while alone at the hospital with Amelia, and it was all I could do to hold myself in from splitting in two until someone could come hold me while I cried. I have a lot of questions. I don't understand yet where God will extract glory from this situation. It feels like my worst fears coming true. Here I am, back at the Children's Hospital where I watched hundreds of sweet children die, trusting those same doctors to tend to my most precious possession. My child. My child on the bed. My child getting sedation. My child possibly needing a central line. My child with increased intracranial pressure. My child needing an occupational therapy referral...if she is still alive to get one. It aches. Deep.

We're here for the long haul. The doctors are now talking in terms of weeks instead of days. Please keep offering your prayers to the Mercy Seat. I beg minute by minute for mercy. Healing. Peace. Relief.

I cried unto God with my voice,
even unto God with my voice;
and he gave ear unto me.
In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord:
my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered God, and was troubled:
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.
Thou holdest mine eyes waking:
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I have considered the days of old,
the years of ancient times.
I call to remembrance my song in the night:
I commune with mine own heart:
and my spirit made diligent search.
Will the Lord cast off for ever?
And will he be favorable no more?
Is his mercy clean gone for ever?
Hath God forgotten to be gracious?
Hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies?
And I said, This is my infirmity:
but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.
I will remember the works of the LORD:
surely I will remember thy wonders of old.
I will meditate also of all thy work,
and talk of thy doings.
Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary:
who is so great a God as our God?
Thou art the God that doest wonders:
~ Psalm 77 excerpted ~