Crying out/celebrating Christ

Break forth, intone the lamentable psalm,
"Out of the deeps, Lord, have I cried to thee!"
~ Robert Browning, The Ring and the Book, Book I

I just can't seem to break out of this funk. This blog is helpful to me so often - of late, I checked back to remember my own radiation timeline from last time, and also how I felt post-dose. It is amazing how much you block out of the bad stuff that happens. I am thankful for the forgetfulness - except that it also makes it feel as though it is the first time I've felt this low. Reading back through entries from December, 2008 and April, 2009 have helped me put this experience in perspective - turns out, it is exactly the same each time. And yes, my housework and homeschooling escape me for about a month afterward. So I guess that just helps me relax into it - this is something to be survived, and I can forget about how awfully I am failing at all of my roles, and know that someday soon it will start to get better again.

I folded my laundry tonight. It now sits in piles about 3 feet high off my dining table. But it is folded. I no longer have to hunt every morning for socks, underwear and clothing for every member of the family. It feels like a giant load has been lifted. Silly things make me happy.

Tomorrow, we start our weekend long celebration of Jesus' birth. You and I were so important to God, that omniscient, omnipresent, all-powerful invisible, that He sent His Son to die, on the cross, tortured, broken, crying tears of blood. Whatever depression I suffer in these dark days post-radiation, they are not my choice. Jesus took on that depression, so much deeper than mine, by choice. Because of love. How could I possibly capture in words, typed words, how I feel about that sacrifice?? What a Savior. Hallelujah, Christ is born!

Go in peace and joy to love and serve the Lord. We go in the name of the Christ Child. And the blessing of God, Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer, goes with you and remain amongst you now and always. Amen! Alleluia.



Please join us in praying for Aaron's college friends, the Nathes, as they expect the birth of their 4th child, a son, who will die within hours of his birth. His name is Jake. His brother, who died 4 years ago, was named Josh. Visit the Nathe's blog here. Read their ongoing story by clicking "journal".