Opening hands to receive

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

~ from Ring Out, Wild Bells, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Surgery is canceled. I just got the phone call from the doctor. After several reviews of the ultrasound, the radiologists feel that the area of question on my ovary is resolving. It would be silly to take out a perfectly healthy ovary. So as of right now, I don't even need follow up with the gynecology team. I should be dancing around. But this constant roller-coaster ride really has me reeling. I go from watchful news on Monday, to frightening news on Tuesday, to perfect health on Thursday? What is wrong with this picture? It really reminds me what I have always known...just like the mechanics who work on our cars, and the repairmen who fix our appliances, doctors and nurses are artists, not clairvoyant. As they try to fill in the blanks on my life's tapestry, there are some mistakes, and some stops and starts, and some differing opinions.

Basically, this news leaves me rejoicing that I can have fun with my family next week. Reinforces the fact that I can't weep at the first foretelling of bad news, nor can I dance with abandon with each glimpse of happier days to come. I just can't handle that type of up and down emotionally. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Let's walk methodically up the mountains and down into the valleys. I really can't stand the tumble from top to bottom.

Today: praise God there is no cancer obvious on my ovary. Praise God that I don't have to face menopause on top of all else. Praise God that Amy is walking, talking, laughing, skipping, feeding herself. Praise God we are together, and that we will have a whole year's reprieve from radioactive iodine.

Tomorrow: pray He heals this cancer. Pray the tumor marker test miraculously goes down rather than up by next November. Pray our suffering is lessened in 2010. Pray we glorify God in joy next year instead. Pray for health. Pray for peace. Pray for endurance. Pray for willingness.


Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
~ Never Let Go, Matt Redman

...do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God
will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)