Brokenness



I don't remember much about what happened, so I can't give you many details.  But I can write, read, speak, laugh, joke, smile, walk, and otherwise function completely normally.  Even though my head apparently went through our toilet tank last night.  When I saw this picture, it is amazing to me that I am alive and sitting in bed typing.  I did have a seizure in the emergency room, a first for me, but haven't had any more.  There is no sign of any broken bones in my skull or face or bleeding in my brain on the CT scan.  I am continuing to have a lot of head pain and some disturbing double vision.  This post will be short because of that.

I am okay.  I'm not really sure why I fell, if I fainted or tripped or what.  I have had no dizziness at any other point since getting the pacemaker.  My heart looks wonderful on all the monitors since getting re-admitted to the hospital again today.

It feels funny to forget something so important.  I think I lost about an hour of memory surrounding the incident, the ambulance ride, the seizure, the hospital admission.  At first I couldn't see hardly anything and I do remember the fear of feeling blind.  It was like looking through Picasso's eyes for a while - faces were all disorganized when I looked at them, with their eyes randomly on their face (my dad's were in his beard and that really freaked me out).  The only person I really could understand was Aaron.  I am so thankful that I lived long enough to marry him, know him, love him.  Words cannot express it. But often in my worn life's autumn weather, I watch there with clear eyes, And think how it will be in Paradise when we're together. (Christina Rossetti, "From Memory")

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can't believe it you were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can't remember you try to feel the beat
~ Regina Spektor