Here comes the rain...

Katy: Mama, I figured out how God does it.
Does what, honey?

Sends the rain down to the earth. He must use a watering can. Except it would be really huge, like this big (extends both arms). Hmmm. I wonder how He fills it, then?

And so the questions continue, cancer or not - regardless of my burgeoning school, home, and health care responsibilities. Katy's questions these days are big ones. My questions these days - bigger? Are they any more difficult to answer than the questions of my childhood, though? I am faced with the "science question of the day" every morning (courtesy of Katrina), and I reflect back on my own process...sorting through these conundrums, proliferating answers, selecting one, living my life upon that Truth I had discovered. Here I am, facing cancer, and all the world can still be distilled in to the question, "Who is in control over the rain, why does He send it, and how??" (Psalm 148:8) Are my questions really that different? What is cancer, anyway? No less random, sudden, unpremeditated, or unexplained - in human terms - than the rain. Here I stand, in a maelstrom of hail, pounding rain, buffeting winds. My life is in the balance. Although I can put human terms to the origin of my distress (mutation on gene x caused my cancer), I cannot calculate the spiritual and emotional havoc - nor growth - this trial entails. What is the human face of cancer? Surprisingly, it is me - 29 years old, teaching my children about creation, pondering the profundities and borders of homeschooling, floundering in grad school, crying over the loss of these precious days, cherishing memories...cancer is Genevieve. Cancer is this body. Cancer is teaching this mind. Cancer is changing this soul.

But there will be deaths to die. Paul found that out--daily, he said. That is the price of following the way of the cross--of course. If our object is to save others we must be clear that we cannot save ourselves. Jesus couldn't either.

This scares people. Yet what is there to fear when Christ holds first place in our lives? Where, other than in the will of the Father, shall we expect to find significance, security, and serenity?

~ Elisabeth Elliot, The Supremacy of Christ

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready
I know its time for heaven's rain, it's gonna rain

Because it's living water we desire
To flood our hearts with holy fire

Rain down/ all around the world, we're singing
Rain down/can you hear the earth is singing
Rain down/ my heart is dry but still I'm singing
Rain down rain it down on me.

Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time, to dream again
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Give me strength to cross the water
Keep my heart upon Your altar

Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet don’t let me falter

~ Delirious, Rain Down