When you take the risk of obedience, you find solid rock beneath you--and markers, evidence that someone has traveled this route before. "The Lord your God will cross over at your head... he will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not be discouraged or afraid" (Deuteronomy 30:19, 20; 31:3, 8, NEB).
~Elisabeth Elliot, Keep a Quiet Heart
When I was 19 years old, I was living almost entirely for myself. Really the only things that kept me from deviating much from the path I was taught as a child where the fear of being caught, and disappointing my parents, brothers and other family. My parents prayed for me daily, and their routine of falling on their knees begging for the life and soul of their little one saved me many a consequence I am sure. Even in that state, a sinner unrepentant yet guilt-wracked, I went to the Christian book store in town to pick a book for my mother. She was having a fairly routine surgery but would be in the hospital for several days. I went there with a boyfriend (!!! the memory of this sorry candidate for my heart makes me nauseous just thinking about it!) and the book. My poor mother! How she must have gasped at her treasured daughter walking into her hospital room with a pierced, spiky haired young man and the sorry peace offering of a BOOK! I'm sure I shocked her, and the morning prayers must have redoubled at that juncture.
The book I chose was the one quoted today. Even in the darkest, deepest hole of sin and anger I will ever know (I pray), I was led to this book. Purchased it and brought it to my mother to comfort her in her time of pain and illness. Now I read it myself and marvel. I was obviously led to it, as I would never have rationally thought it through and picked this title, nor did I know anything about the author. God was calling me, even then; humble and tender, He sat in the glory of His throne and called me - a sinner! Nudged me along faithfully and now is my comfort and my cup every day. I didn't deserve it then, and I don't deserve it now. The tender moments I shared today with my mother...laughter filling my kitchen while the girls and I made pudding for an afternoon snack a few minutes ago...the sleepy, sweet-scented bliss of my baby sleep-nursing at my breast in between cat-naps...the sun lilting across the fields in short, wind-blown bursts...pans of delicious lasagne laid up against the day I must leave my family...strength and energy even without my "vital" replacement medication! I cast all my cares upon Him, for He careth for me (I Peter 5:7). He is merciful; He is great; He grips me now, and always. If God is for me, what cancer or doctor or error can possibly stand in the way of His glory?? (Romans 8:31)
Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. ~ Psalm 55:22
1 comment:
Gen,
You have more in common with me than I ever realized. It still amazes me that I am who I am today (though still far from perfect), when at 19, I was very lost and confused and insisting on doing it my way. But if God could reach my heart, and still love me in spite of my bitterness and anger, and rebellion, then there is hope for any situation. If He can heal my heart, then He can heal anything.
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