I wonder sometimes if God lets us waste our mistakes and screw-ups in places where they won't matter as much. Saves the good stuff until after we've figured a few things out. As a teen, I was confused about everything from who God was, to my own dreams for life, sexual orientation, and the black and white of right and wrong. When you get shot down as a kid in certain ways, these things happen. I've lived 31 years thinking maybe there wasn't any fall-out from the sins of others that spilled over on to me when I was a child. But I see it like a well-worn path through the story of my life now. And I see the fall-out of my own sin woven right with that cord, the damages to me and others because it took so long to reach this moment of clarity.
The first time Aaron held my hand, I thought for a second that someone had shocked me. Like, with electricity. Nope, just his huge, hot palm, tightly squeezing. I had prayed that God would send me a man who'd knock me right off my feet, if what He wanted for me was marriage and children. Having never been knocked right off my feet before, it took me a few minutes to realize what had just happened. Ever since then, I've hung on with all my strength, and oh, what a ride it's been.
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3 comments:
Found you on (in) Courage today. Thank you for sharing. I relate to so much of your story.
Blessings!
jenni saake
http://www.GivenMeaThorn.blogspot.com
There's a thing called, Generational Sin. I first saw that word in a Beverly Lewis novel. Immediatly, I had to find the definition.
It's unresolved, unrepentent sin passed down.
I know my actions growing up affected others. I don't think it matters what age you are. You make a decision and you get the consequences whether good or bad. I think the generational sin of my family helped to contribute in some way, but ultimately, they were my decisions and I alone bear the consequences. But all those bad decisions God turned into something better--a much stronger person in the Faith.
What a beautiful story God is weaving in your life. Thanks for your honesty in the post on (in)courage today. Keep writing, He's using you in a mighty way!
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