The way it ended (and a small miracle)

Don't let the sun beat you down

Steal your crown

Hold your head to the ground

Just keep on walking

Don't let your soul lose control

Let you roll down the mountain you climbed

Don't let the sand blind your eyes

Realize they're only lies and

Keep on walking

Let it cover you with Grace

Let it take you from this place

And as your heart races

Pack your suitcases

And in the middle of the desert

There's an Oasis

Don't let your bones turn to stone

Cause you're feeling so alone

Just keep on walking

Don't count the miles

That you've climbed

Make you go blind

Cause baby there's something to find

Don't hide you eyes from the light

Just hold on tight

And soon it'll be alright

Let it cover you with Grace

Let it take you from this place

And as your heart races

Pack your suitcases

And in the middle of the desert

There's an Oasis

~Oasis, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals~

You all know how my day started yesterday. Grace means that the pain is not the end of the story. I'm going to tell you something I would normally tell no one. Only my kids know this about me. At 4:30 p.m. yesterday, I was still in my pajamas. I decided that I might as well stay in them at that point. So instead of showering and getting dressed, I decided a very messy homeschool project was in order.

And that is how I ended my day. The day I spent going through the motions and shutting out the little voices of my children. It ended up like this.

Every now and then I check in on a fellow blogging hippie/homeschooling mama from, as she calls it, this Frozen Tundra. I prayed for her baby when he was near death, and celebrated when he survived. A few days ago, she posted an idea for a tactile handwriting activity that looked really fun. So we pulled out four different dry goods from the pantry: rice, flour, cornmeal, and...sugar (that wasn't my brightest moment of the day, either). 

Then got out four baking sheets, and filled them up with our four dry goods. You can't do something this fun without your 2nd grader wanting in, even if she already knows her letters pretty well!

Caleb concentrated on shapes because letters are still a bit beyond him. That, and generally played with his...sugar. Yes, also not my brightest moment! What possessed me to give the SUGAR to the youngest kid??

And then a miracle happened. Amy had the cornmeal. Because it's yellow, her favorite color. I asked her to draw an "A" in her tray. And not only did she know exactly which letter I meant, she drew it!! Amelia lost her entire alphabet in 2009 due to the brain damage, and hasn't written a letter since. She recently started to regain the alphabet - she can recognize it by sight now, but still struggles with saying the letter names. She hasn't written a letter since October 13, 2009.

So when we got tired of that, there was sugar, cornmeal, flour, and rice all over the kitchen floor and counter. Making it a perfect time to just lean into it, own the mess, and make more. We got out ingredients for homemade Playdoh, and the kids got a chemistry lesson about homogenous and heterogenous solutions, solids, liquids, and gases. Katy practiced her fractions using different sized measuring cups and spoons to get the right amount of each ingredient.

Then we learned about primary and secondary colors. And, just for fun, added glitter. Again, not my brightest moment. 

So today, I am sweeping every hour or so and getting sugar, cornmeal, flour, rice, Playdoh remnants and glitter every. single. time.

Grace Potter's lyrics keep running through my head when the pain comes rushing back: Don't let the sun beat you down, steal your crown; Don't let the sand blind your eyes, realize they're only lies; Let Him cover you with Grace, let Him take you from this place.

"Don't listen to the sermons of the prophets. It's all hot air. Lies, lies, and more lies. They make it all up. Not a word they speak comes from me. They preach their 'Everything Will Turn Out Fine' sermon to congregations with no taste for God, their 'Nothing Bad Will Ever Happen to You' sermon to people who are set in their own ways." ~Jeremiah 23:16-17 The Message